A dialogue with God

I ain’t a saint, I understand Karma but am equally susceptible to worldly pleasures and I am not ashamed to admit that I am normally sane and quite easily, overtly ambitious by average human standards.

I lost someone very close to my heart earlier this week. He was a more than a friend, a brother who did not require DNA to get us connected the way we did. And so connected we were in a way that I cannot describe in words, however eloquent they might be. It was a relationship where we cared for each other and we were equally critical of our decisions we made in our lives. But what stood out was the chemistry and the understanding we shared, we could just stop and take off again with elan. I am now poorer in this world, for I don’t have another friend like him in my life to have such torrential conversations. My loss stands undisputed, collapsed.

I now feel that someone, somewhere wasn’t very pleased with what we had between us. So disruptive has been this loss, so quantum has been the grief that I am only searching for reasons since Thursday when this colossus tragedy was conveyed to me.

I am searching for reasons, here and there. I try to divert myself to my daily chores but I am struggling to focus on whatever I do. What ridiculous reason can one give to the young wife who has just lost her husband in a matter of few minutes? How do I console parents who has have just lost their son? How can I ever provide an excuse to a father who is disastrously participating in rituals for his deceased son who had come in for a vacation to spend quality time with him?

How should I? How can I? Can you please please explain? I beg you to return him even if you have a reason which is evidently unexplainable beyond my admittedly ignorant stature.

He had dreams, he was excited to find out what life had in store for him, he has never been so happy in his life, we dreamt of a future that could change our lives. All washed away in minutes, a life well fought and well bred has come to a painful, screeching halt.

I might stop with questions, you might still return them with answers, but that is not what I want.

I want him back, please return him. Please.

Will you?

Inevitable 2018, Hello!

2017 was a roller coaster year. Well, I can call it adventurous and tumultuous in the same breath. Yes, you might argue that these expressions don’t quite sit adjacent to each other. But at times, our derivatives stand flawed and undisputed.

Strange are the ways of life, so was 2017.

Indulgent, attractive, celebrated.

Sometimes, we feel excited about things that didn’t work. Perhaps, time is the major player here. We smile when it smiles. But in life, at some point, we all smile. Not really when we want, we don’t get to decide everything in our life, every time. As much as I am a great believer in myself and am self obsessed, I cannot ignore the subtle variations of destiny in my interesting life. I guess, there lies the beauty. And all the joy, apprehensions and agony that supplements the turmoil of the journey, so famously called ‘Life’.

But, all said and dusted, 2018 could be the year of my life. Instincts, gut feeling, not sure what it is. But the feeling remains undisputed. And, I am looking forward to it with exuberance and hope. Hope is good, fear is not. But apprehension, yes. I guess, that’s why 2018 is going to be a massive year of glorious uncertainties.

Keep aside my life for sometime now, 2017 was yet another year with lots of everything – emotions, achievements, disappointments, celebrations.

For each of you, let’s achieve what we always wanted to.

Let’s do what we enjoy the most in our decorated lives. Let’s create the space we always wanted in our lives. If you don’t like something, say it. If you want a change, now is the time to take first baby steps. Respect people but don’t take shit from anyone, especially if you don’t deserve it. Value relationships but make sure the relationship is two fold and devoid of oscillating benefits.

Phew! I know. Words of wisdom for few, Gyan for many and just rustic, frivolous words for those who don’t find a meaning in web of words and spoken partitions.

Let’s take a look at some pulsating pictures that defined my 2017, in more ways than it so appears.

2018, come and you will realize that you are already falling in love with me.

Unseen Sanity

We came, we saw and we got conquered. The vanquished won, and the rest, as they say, is the work of the mercurial almighty.

Blessed, and in awe.

Location: Brihadeeshwarar Temple, Thanjavur, Tamil Nadu.

Mayapur – The Sublime Town

I wasn’t very keen when Dad popped up with this idea to visit Mayapur. No, I ain’t an atheist but not the spiritual kind as well. Perhaps, I am the usually found under average human being immersed in success, money and  big dreams. Nevertheless, I did make this weekend trip.

What it turned out to be remains unexplained beyond words. I came back mesmerized, and wiser – if it’s measured by tantamount feelings of realization and sanity.

A world of it’s own, with people swimming around outside civilization and with a touch of spiritual eagerness that at least shows up in the attire – not disputing their intentions in any way, that is. Just being there under couple of days gives you this feeling that there is indeed a world outside the juxtaposed self imposed amphitheater that we all live in. If that looks pretentious, ours is equally appalling. It’s just that we adorn ourselves inside the carpet of civilization that stems out of the roots of the supreme – as they say and as we cease to have faith in.

Interesting stories that kept me hooked up in a sting of conversation that seems to come from a different world, different thought process, different desires, different kind of people. Yes, they are different. Not the outside but the inside that matters. I am to believe that consistently faking yourself is a difficult task and hence my faith remains abducted to my principles that comes from a blessed value system. Long story cut short, I felt strong.

Piece of history was unleashed in front of my eyes and it was a curious visit, if I can say that way – with information about the legend. A weekend of heat and blessed aura that keeps me afloat in testing times.

Thanks to my parents who took my unworthy tantrums in their stride, I owe it to them for all the joy and bliss.

Truly, this is one of it’s kind.

Source of Idol Photos: Mayapur ISKCON Website

days, come back.

There are few moments in life when chaos and joy are seen together. I saw these moments in the past few days which tells me that we are indeed blessed in a way to be together with the people we love and do things together that gets us unrivalled in a blissful tale of relationships. 

Lights outside, lights inside our lives. Brightness has an inevitable bond with us, stitched with such eventful days.

I want them back, but decided to move forward with hopes of a reunion. Soon, again.

Mayavaram Paatti

For a very long time, I never realised the town had a different name. For me, it never mattered. It was her place of residence and that is all we knew during our growing up days. For us, it was enough. In fact, me and my sister never cared to know her name as well, for a very long time. Again, it doesn’t matter as names and relationships don’t always go hand in hand. Not for me, not for my sister either. She was our dear Granny, my mother’s mother and there lies the inherent respect that we derived and which deemed to exist forever.

We visited her and grandfather during our summer vacations, once in a couple of years. We lived far away but the connect was somewhere, ethereal to say the least. My grandfather was a reputed personality in the adjoining areas surrounding the town and widely respected. I and my sister used to be in awe of the palatial house they lived in and where my mother was born and raised. I am still in awe of that place, I don’t think we can afford to build a house like that in the city, even in today’s economical surge of possessions. The other day, I told my wife that the kitchen in the house used to be the size of our master bedroom, so it’s now easier for you to understand why we were so awe struck. She was the queen of the house and we all ran around like scattered pedestals from a garden of blooming flowers.

The house was perhaps the starting point for the current generation in our family that has grown up and is established in different parts of the world. Our cousins lived in different places and our visit was similar to a reunion – catch up, play pranks, have fun, irritate and disturb my grandfather’s afternoon siesta, and get the flak for it as well. But, nothing changed as our granny used to be at the back of us, supporting our trivial acts of childhood. All that and more, today belongs to the world of folklore.

I will never quote as being very close to her. Distance is one factor, second we did not belong to the classic generation where a spate of people lived under the same roof – grandparents, parents, cousins, relatives. But, the little moments spent with her during our early years will we etched as golden moments in our lives.

As we grow older, she grew old as well. Ironically, the sad part in the happiness of we growing up is the difficult episode of watching our parents growing old. Inevitable and excruciatingly believable, painful at the same time. She went through a similar phase, we lost our grandfather few years back which obviously was a big jolt in her life. From being the queen of independent living, I saw the transition that relegated her to the confines of four walls and very few people around her. Not that love diminished, it’s just that times were changing and she was part of the usual escapade.

With a life lived long enough to watch her children and grandchildren grow up and leading a fulfilling life, were indeed the high points of her illustrious life. Most significantly, her contribution is unsurpassable as we don’t exist if she doesn’t. A unhinged legacy.

Some people don’t leave us, they just distance themselves to keep vigil and see that we are safe. A mother is irreplaceable and her loss will be felt. As for her influence in our lives, time will make the statement at an apt hour of realisation (it does already!).

mayavaram-paatti

Paatti, please rest in peace and help us to remain blessed.

Season’s Greetings

16 hasn’t ended, it is going out with a touch of whimper and indegenious wrinkles of desperate glory. I am not saying 17 is better, am saying 17 is the year of reckoning.

Merry Xmas and a dazzling 2017 for all of us. Cheers!

Season of Goddess

Inseparable love, indomitable pose, blessing in abundance, the queen of all triumphs.

Year on year, she is the sanity check of our lives, and the hope that evil will die, sometime, someday. Perhaps, forever.

The epitome of goodness, she is a sign of redemption for the self destructive urban bane.

She came, she conquered, she left with a poise and promise. We are left behind, with an equally daunting promise to deliver and keep the fervor alive.